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My mind is not for sale or rent to any god or government.
They're lying!!!
"Normal" is a setting on my washing machine.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I am perfectly sane. The little voices in my head told me so!
Why suffer from insanity when you can revel in it?
Life's a bitch, live with it!
If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it!
I think, there fore I am dangerous.
Every one makes mistakes, some more then others.
Freak!
Earth first we'll screw up the other planets later.
Before giving anyone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
No one is ever old enough to know better.
Normal people are the one's you don't know.
Normal people scare me.
Mistakes are proof that you're trying.
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Think you can, or think you can't. Either way you'll be right.
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Shit happens.
I'd rather be a failure at something I love, than a success at something I hate.
I have an attitude and I'm not afraid to use it.
Don't give me that smart alec attitude, I all ready have one.
Do I look like a freakin' people person?
Take my advice, I'm not using it.
I'm not playing with my self, I'm adjusting my jewelry.
This life has been a test. If this had been an actual life, you'd have been given instructions.
I have issues.
If life's so short then what's the point of school?
I didn't do it!
I don't need your attitude, I have one of my own.
He who laughs last, thinks slowest.
If we are what we eat then eat then were fast and cheap.
If it looks good, you'll see it, If it sounds good, you'll hear it, If it's marketed right, you'll buy it, but... if it's
real, you'll feel it.
Fuck it all, fuck this world, fuck every thing you stand for, don't belong, don't exist, don't ever judge me!!!
I have an attitude, heaven doesn't won't me and hell's afraid I'd take over.
Just when I think you say the stupidest thing you keep talking.
I luv ur mom!
If you're not a hemorrhoid then get off my ass!
You now your getting old when you bend over to pick something up and you wonder what else you can pick up well your down
there.
All stressed out, and no one to choke.
I'm one of those bad things that that happen to good people.
How can I miss you if you won't GO AWAY?
Sorry if I looked interested, I'm NOT!
Pissing off the whole planet ... one person at a time.
I'm not weird I'm gifted.
You are all figments of my imagination.
Hell yea, I'm weird.
You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me.
Chaos, panic, disorder, I see my work hear is done.
If you choke a smurf, what color would he turn?
Do chickens think every thing tastes like human?
It is better to be hated for what you are, then to be loved for what you are not.
Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law on a milk carton.
God may have mercy on you, but I don't.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
Talk only if you can improve on the silence.
Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.
Be the kind of person you wanted your parents to be.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.
I will love all mankind except an American.
If it's too loud, you're too old.
I've upped my standards, now up yours.
Saturday has a morning?
What would Scooby Doo?
If there were no hypothetical questions, what would this say?
The buck doesn't even slow down here.
I'm going to find myself. If you see me before I get back, please let me know where I'll be.
I've forgotten more than I ever learned.
It's not my fault the monkey tricked me.
I'm the kind of person my parents want me to stay away from.
I talk to strangers.
You're not the boss of me!
Admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left.
The future ain't what it used to be.
Can't sleep, the clowns will get me!
I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.
It's not the fall that hurts, it's that stop at the end.
Experience is a hard teacher, it gives you the test before the lesson.
Hukt on fonix wurkt for mee.
Don't let your mind wander, it's too small to be left alone.
Ever stop to think and forget to start going?
One by one the yard gnomes steal my sanity.
I do what ever my rice crispies tell me to do.
After I finish eating my vegetables, where should I put their wheelchairs?
How many times do I need to flush before you go away?
Sorry, I guess the angel on my shoulder went on a break, and forgot to come back.
I'm the evil twin.
You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because you are all the same.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
If fat people can go skinny dipping, can skinny people go fat dipping?
I started out with nothing and still have most of it.
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
Not all people are annoying some are dead.
I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
Therapy is expensive but bubble rap is cheap, it's your choice.
You are depriving some village of an idiot.
If assholes could fly, this place would be an airport.
Never go to bed mad. Stay awake all night and plot horrible REVENGE!!!
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, its sexual harassment, when a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 per minute.
When I read a bout the evils of drinking I gave up reading.
Don't judge me based on your ignorance.
I run with scissors!
Never knock on heavens door... ring the bell then run away (he hates that).
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Playing in traffic almost got me killed.
I'm here because I'm not all there.
I have chosen this path, not to fit a mold, not to join a trend, not to follow a crowed, but because it is right for me.
In my world you don't exist.
Do cannibal's think clowns taste funny?
When one synchronized swimmer drowns do the rest have to, too?
Excuses are like ass holes every one has one and they all stink.
How come your feet smell but your nose runs?
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress?
I know it's not rocket science it's harder.
Necrophilia: lay back, and crack open a cold one.
Live by your own rules not societies.
I didn't know IQ's came in a negative number.
Pay no mind to those who talk behind your back, it simply means that you are two steps ahead.
Stick and stones may break my bones, but pictures of your mom make me horny.
He who hesitates is... um...
I was only young once, but I can be immature forever.
Whenever I fell like exercising, I lie down until the feeling passes.
I live in my own little world, but it's ok they know me here.
Save your breath! You'll need it to blow up your date.
It's only funny until some one gets hurt, then it's hilarious!
I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.
I didn't say it was your fault I said I was going to blame you.
Publik skoolin rilly wurkt fer mee.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a better conversation then I could have with you.
Strangers have the best candy.
What if the Hokey Pokey is really what it’s all about?
Well-Traveled. Not really, my mind just wanders.
The voices in my head want you to shut up.
Out of my mind back in 5 minutes.
Don't make the same mistake your parents did, use a condom.
Rehab is for quitters.
I may be fat but your ugly and I can lose weight.
Kids in the front seat cause accidents, accidents in the back seat cause kids.
I love my country, it's the government I'm afraid of.
Your kid may be an honor student, but your still an idiot.
I took an IQ test, and the results were negative.
Ate yeers agoe, i coodent eben spel graduat, and now i is wun.
My reality check bounced.
Shut up brain or I'll poke you with a Q-tip again!
The doctors tell me I'm special.
I used to be a schizophrenic but we're okay now.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
You say psycho like it's a bad thing.
Reality bites!... and I have the teeth marks to prove it.
I'm not a brat. I'm not! I'm Not! I'M NOT!
Of all the things I've lost, it's my mind I miss the most.
I tried to contain myself but, I ESCAPED!
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Of course I'm out of my mind, it's dark and scary in there.
The good thing about schizophrenia is you never run out of people to talk to.
I suffer from C.R.S. (Can't Remember Shit)
Teachers are like diapers, always full of crap and always on your ass!
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
Discourage inbreeding, ban country music.
Attitudes are the real disability.
If it doesn't fit force it, if it breaks then it needed to be replaced anyway.
Procrastinate later.
If you think sex is a pain in the ass you might be doing it wrong.
I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.
Lets get lost, I know the way, I've been there before.
If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I'd fart.
Gone crazy, Back soon.
I'm unreliable, irresponsible, immature, undisciplined, inefficient, disorganized, inconsistent, and unmotivated but I'm
fun.
I can resist everything except temptation.
All my life, I wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
No body's perfect, I'm a no body.
Every one is out to get me just because I'm paranoid.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Make your self at home, clean my kitchen.
I said no to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible.
Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.
Can't is another word for too lazy to try.
No one dies a virgin, life screws us all.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
To make your prayers come true, you have to get off your knees.
Don't take candy from strangers unless they give you a ride.
Not all who wander are lost.
A goal is a dream with a deadline.
Everything will be all right in the end, if it's not it's not the end.
I'm not as dumb as you look.
Shh, that's the sound of no body caring what you think.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I have no desire for money, it's stuff that I want.
If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.
Why do psychics have to ask your name?
Who says I want to fit in?
My mind is made up, don't confuse me with the facts.
I've seen normal, it ain't pretty.
I'll rise, but I won't shine.
I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
My favorite memories are of the past.
I must hurry, for there they go and I am their leader.
One more repo and I'll be debt free.
I'd live up to my potential if it didn't cut into my sitting around time.
Every on says I'm in denial but really I'm not.
Forgive and forget, but keep a list of the names.
Follow your dreams, except that one where you're at school in your underwear.
Stop the fuckin' profanity!
The truth will let you free, but first it will piss you off.
Never say bite me to a vampire.
I'm not felling my self today, may I fell you.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
Stranger's candy is the sweetest.
Some days you're the dog, some days you're the hydrant.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer.
Reality is where the pizza delivery guy comes from.
Question authority and the authorities will question you.
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
It's easier to get forgiveness then permission.
Same crap different day.
Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.
If you can't say something nice about someone you've come to the right place.
Oxymoron #85 : Country Music
I've gotta be me! (everybody else was taken).
I think my supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable level.
That's me in a nutshell, will somebody help me get out.
I used to be a kleptomaniac but I took something for it.
The voices in my head are snoring.
Opportunity only knocks once, but temptation leans on the doorbell.
Good judgment comes from experience and much of that comes from bad judgment.
The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary.
It takes lots of balls to play golf like me.
I'm multi-talented! (I can talk and piss you off at the same time).
My day is not completed until I frighten the hell out of a complete stranger.
I don't need your acceptance.
No idols, no heroes, no leaders, just pure inner strength.
Sometimes "The Majority" only means all the fools are on the same side.
Avenge yourself, live long enough to be a problem to your kids!
Be kind to your kids, they choose your nursing home.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Do old men wear boxers or briefs? - Depends.
Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks.
Everyone has a photographic memory, but some just don't have film.
Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you&'ll have to catch up.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism, to steal from many is research.
Who cancelled my reality check?
You don&'t look as stupid as you really are.
Always be your self, it just makes me look better.
I don't get even, I get odd.
I embarrass my family.
If you usually don't succeed on the first try, then skydiving is not for you!
Do you like sex? Do you like to travel? Go take a fucking hike!
I suffer from C.R.A.F.T. (Can't Remember A Fucking Thing).
Just when I find the key to success, someone goes and changes all the locks.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
You have the right to remain silent, so please shut up!
The best part of the day is over when the alarm clock goes off.
I'm not drunk, you're just sober.
Fuck you, you fuckin' fuck!
My inner child is a mean little fucker.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
On the other hand, you have you have different fingers.
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not sure.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Many people quit looking for a job when they find work.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
If you think no one cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the I.R.S.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandpa, not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.
Time is the best teacher, but it kills all it's students.
I let my mind wander, but it didn't come back.
Gravity always gets me down.
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
I went to back up my hard drive, but I couldn't get it in reverse.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains keep falling out.
I'm not an artist, I'm a fucking work of art.
A person who makes no mistakes makes nothing at all.
I get enough exercise by just pushing my luck.
4 out of 5 voices in my head say, "Call in sick".
Whenever you are successful, there is a segment of society that resents it.
Facing what consumes you is the only way to be free.
My refusal is my way of life.
Doubt me, hate me, you're the inspiration I need.
If you don't live for something you die for nothing.
Your doubt, it fuels me, your hate drivers me, the challenge ignites me. You make me fight harder.
Tired of this done with that never satisfied with where I'm at.
You don't know, you don't care, you never have and you never will.
I won't be chained to the earth.
My life, my body, my pride. You have no say!
Your doom awaits you, selfish ones who think the world revolves for them.
You want respect but you'll never earn it.
The greed has made them blind.
If I control my self, I control my destiny.
If they said they knew the truth, they lie!
Do you think that your better then me, you better wake up you know it's a lie.
Cancel my subscription, I don't need your issues.
Rape is no laughing matter, unless you're raping a clown.
I like my women like I like my coffee ground up and in the freezer.
Help stop rape: consent.
It's not rape it's surprise sex.
Do vegetarians like to meat people?
Do homeless people get knock knock jokes?
Can bald people get hairline fractures?
I'm not a puppet, I'm a grenade.
I don't care if your world is ending today, because I wasn't invited to it anyway.
I've got an F and a C and I got a K too, and the only thing missing is a bitch like you.
I never believed the devil was real, but god couldn't make someone as filthy as you.
I'm the better of two evils.
All of your life, you told yourself you were never alone. All your time, spent on the problems that have no solution.
In your mind, giving up was never an option. Out of spite, hold onto the hate that helped you stay focused.
Take a look, take a look at yourself. What do you see, what have you become?
Final prayer for the human race, we know are time is running out. Millions of people will suffer and die by the hands
of those in power.
Heavily medicated for your protection.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it is gone.
As we slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point the wrong way.
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once, the seat folded up, the drink spilled, and that ice, well, it really chilled
the mood.
You have an unusual magnetic personality. Just be aware of your polarity.
I do not go where the path leads, I instead create my own path, and leave a trail.
They said to follow my dreams, too bad they were all nightmares!
I'm not totally useless! I can be used as a bad example.
Don't analyze my beliefs, and I won't pick out the flaws in yours.
Nuttier than a squirrelturd!
Cannibals get more head.
I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optimist with experience.
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